(1) You dont mind the contradiction of a classical scholar trapped in the body of a middle linebacker.
(2) Your foot ------ involves dactylic hexameter and/or iambic pentameter.
(3) You got the previous joke.
(4) You enjoy playing sports or engaging in some sort of physical activity outdoors, even if it's just the 30 minutes a day it takes to walk the dogs.
(5) You're not embarassed to sing karaoke, play DDR, or at least het a kick out of watching your friends and loved ones make fools of themselves doing so.
(6) You find yourself wondering if the phrase "walk the dogs" had some sort of racy double meaning back in number 4. (It didn't, but I like how your mind works!)
(7) You think one of the following tv shows is ass-slappingly hilarious: South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, The Office, Monty Python, Moonlighting, Scrubs, Kids in the Hall, Upright Citizens Brigade, Mr. Show, or Monk.
(
You are familiar with and appreciate at least one of the following movies: Bladerunner; Truly, Madly, Deeply; Office Space; Amadeus; Once Upon a Time in the West; Any Given Sunday; A Clockwork Orange; A Nightmare Before Christmas; Casablanca, any film by the Cohen Brothers (especially Miller's Crossing).(9) You understand why I used ass-slappingly" as opposed to "ass-slapping" back in number 7 and, come to think of it, you've got a thing or two to say about gerundives and/or split infitives!
(10) You have strong opinions about one or more of the following topics
a) when SNL was good; (b) copyright issues surrounding digital music; (c) whether Aeneas was a momma's boy or a player (especially w/respect to the way he treated Dido);(d) a favorite character/scene from Jonathon Franzen's The Corrections; or (e) a theory on how Caleb Carr's book, The Alienist, could have been so amazing, while his book, Killing Time, made readers want to kill themselves.
