Long Distance?

[cherbear327_PREV (deleted)]

So, originally I was searching for guys that were near me but then I thought well why limit myself?

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has done the whole long distance thing? Has it worked? And how do you search for your matches? By location? Or just free-for-all?

Just curious to see how others are doing it, I guess. I'm new to this!

[tolstoy]

Well firstly, I sure as hell didn't look for them by location...I mean...it's difficult enough to find one you think is interesting, even without the constriction of weather or not he/she's far away. So yeah, now I've done the long distance thing, and we're still trying to see if it works. I mean, it's sort of a good thing for me, because I'm still getting used to the whole "you're not alone" thing (not that I'm a social-phobe or a shut in, I just don't have any other friends and I got real good at being alone)....so basically....right it's actually easier for me to adjust from no relationships to a long distance one than from no relationships to a COMPLETELY FULL ON "SHE"S ALWAYS THERE ONE."

Anyway, we e-mail and talk on the phone, and periodically I take a train to go see her. This is another cool facet because I have the need to get out of the house, and stretch my legs and travel. So basically, I earn some independence, and we get to be together in person, but it's not like that everyday so I still get some me time. So....I guess it depends on who you are.

[gilravadry]

It's always conditionally dependent. Take my case for example; I'm stationed in Hawaii with the Marines, so anywhere off island is a long-distance relationship for me - It's always quite a trip to fly anywhere, and with my military obligations, it's not like I can go visit whenever I want (Most especially when deployed to Iraq...). Now, I've done long-distance relationships before, but at most the distance was only a few hours apart so it was never much of an issue becaue I was able to drive. Out in Hawaii? Forget it. It's just not an option for anyone except a VERY understanding woman...

That being said, I do have a lot of friends that I've met online with some vain hope of persuing a relationship before reality set in. I usually do my searches by location to either my home or where I'm stationed at, but it's still never that easy...

-Ryan

-Stay safe, carry ALWAYS, and when the need is greatest, a 1911 is faster than 911.

[metalnerd]

I've done the long distance thing, it was nice while it lasted though I was pretty young at the time, only 17, so I couldn't go out to see her. I actually met her through an online role-playing game, and we started talking on AIM. After the night we reached the conclusion to start a long distance relationship, I felt it was incredible because I felt so good about it before I even saw what she looked like. It almost seemed meant to be. A year later or so though, we broke up, and then the loss of what we had and never even had met took a pretty bad toll on me. I'm 21 now and honestly it feels like it didn't even happen anymore, I rarely think of her anymore and don't even bring her up to most people I know.

It was definitely easier getting over a long distance relationship than a regular one though, that's for sure.

[centaurus (deleted)]

`In regards to our situations; the fact that were nerds or dorks, we generally don't fall into any traditional relationship 'stock' for the masses. Our chances of meeting someone locally plummet drastically, and so do the chances of a reasonable chemistry. As I see it, the options are as such:

1) Date locally, have little in common, deal with a challenging chemistry issues.

2) Wait a long time to find compatibility locally...perhaps an eternity. (Very common)

3) Find someone at a distance with high compatibility, develop a relationship, meet and decide where to go next.

[missivy (deleted)]

`Centaurus has a good point. Why limit yourself? Chances of finding someone compatible near you are slim.

However, when you find someone you feel 'gah gah' over and it turns out they live 5 states over, its not an easy thing to deal with. Once you get the logistics of flying/hotel/rental car out of the way and you do meet.. then you have to go back home. THEN its even worse and all you can think about is the next time you meet. It's not a fun thing to go through, however it may be worth it.


Edit: Had to add something here.. From my own experience, I quit my job (a damn good job!), sold all my stuff to include my car, and move with a guy who live very far away that I met online. We had seen each other on a few occasions, and once he even stayed a couple weeks. However, after 4 yrs it wasn't working out, and I had to move back 'home' and start all over again. It could be a very crushing experience, so be careful.

[ataivaskathryn]

`I don't like long distance relationships very much because at a certain point I would like to be physically intimate with my boyfriend.

[dandanscan (deleted)]

`Well thats understandable but for a connection and to have so much in common is worth the distance. Anything worth having is worth waiting for lol

[wownerd]

`I've done long distance before but to be honest, I'm looking for the one..most of us are, and if i met a girl online who lived as far away as possible and she turned out to be the one the distance wouldnt matter, thats what planes are for

I'm not saying long distance is going to be easy all the time, but then how many of us have had local relationships that were far from easy too :P

[talho]

`Ive a had both local and long distance, and I have to say that i like the long distance ones better because its more of a wanting to know who you are and talk to you and not having to fumble around on some kind of akward date. I like knowing the real person like on the phone etc. one that plays games with me and i have things in common with so i dont have to go through this whole dating interview thing to weed out guys i can semi put up with. Id travel the world for the one you know?

[helga]

`I agree with centaurus. And I don't think that distance is a problem when you are on the same planet.

[slimtheinventor]

[deleted]

[cassadaga]

`I was in a long distance thing on and off for five years, never met. I certainly believe it can work, but it has to be a) a temporary arrangement until someone can move and b) with the right person. Unfortunately for me I managed to find someone who didn't care enough to make it work.

[slimtheinventor]

`First off, a few of my best pen pals started out as long distance relationships.

That being said, long distance can work but what tends to make it not work for me is people can get possessive about your free time. I don't have a whole mess of time that is just for leisurely IM-ing. & getting nagged to death for not being around during while I am in classes, chastized for not being there when it's during a finals week for something at the University, or attacked for not being around more while I am trying to work on something pretty much is the kiss of death; When it is low-maintenance I find that works best. Even more so electronically people have to give a show of respect by giving each other a certain amount of space. Also, if you're going to complain to somebody about stuff bothering you, don't get mad if the other person starts trying to offer up solutions. Some of these more juvenile mindgames... are just "what is this... I don't even..." we're all supposedly adults here. Well okay some of us are young adults but my point remains.

It is important for both people in a long distance relationship to remember there is more stuff going on both online lives and offline RL stuff for each than just the relationship. Such as school, jobs, etc.

The rest, such as time differences, etc can be overcome but at the core much like offline relationships there's still that basic foundation of respect (e.g. not trying to unfairly 'control' each other.)...

[realitychk]

centaurus wrote: `In regards to our situations; the fact that were nerds or dorks, we generally don't fall into any traditional relationship 'stock' for the masses. Our chances of meeting someone locally plummet drastically, and so do the chances of a reasonable chemistry. As I see it, the options are as such:

1) Date locally, have little in common, deal with a challenging chemistry issues.

2) Wait a long time to find compatibility locally...perhaps an eternity. (Very common)

3) Find someone at a distance with high compatibility, develop a relationship, meet and decide where to go next.



I totally agrees with this. I dated someone from Ireland and I live in the US. It was very long distance. Everything was good up until the end. It ended because closing the gap was just too terrifying for him. I didn't want to start the relationship but he convinced me that he was committed and after some time, it would be all worth the wait. For us, cold feet got the best of him but I think they can work if both people are mature enough to be dedicated.

I considered this same logic prior to engaging in the relationship. We can settle or buckle down and go that extra mile to find love.